Monday, August 30, 2004

two days...three days...?

Well, went out with the gang again, t'was fun, went to pacific, kinda just hung around for a few hours and then went out to dinner at Congee Wong. All in all, fun day. I finally was able to get a few games of that keyboard mix game in, its kinda fun...although a bit of a pain to read the notes as well as hit the keys at the same time, I'm not used to the keyboard, the keys are smaller than I'd like. Eh, whatever, I can get better at it if I really tried, besides, its really not that bad since I already basically know how to play the piano, its just trying to coordiante that with a moving screen takes a bit of practice and getting used to.

Party on Friday was fun too, lotsa chatting 'bout stuffs, had some fun beating up each other at Puzzle Fighter and watched some anime as well. Nothing horribly bad, just a fun time all around.

Worked on memorizing and learning some songs this morning before I headed out, Melancholy (Holy Martyr) by Iced Earth, Enter Sandman by Metallica. Furthermore, I've been trying to learn the words to Fade to Black by Metallica and Slither by Velvet Revolver. Fade to Black and Slither are difficult to memorize, the verses are all unique and only have slight differences, it'll be a nice challenge.

Yes, I know, my past few posts may have seemed rather redundant and stupid. I'm aware of this, yet I have not found anything interesting from my mind to put down. I mean, I could rant again about how slow people are, and how they like to get in the way of everyone else, but I suppose I can't really do that at the moment - not quite enough provocation for another rant about that just yet.

Got chiro first thing tomorrow morning, then I should head down to the university and try to fix my timetable, hopefully, I'll be able to get everything done so I don't have to worry 'bout them anymore and can just relax until the beginning of the semester...I hate having loose ends, I always get so impatient with them and want to resolve them as soon as possible. Hey, on the plus side, atleast my neck is doing better, now its just the shoulders and back that need help.

Yes, I realize that this is another one of my boring and somewhat pointless posts, hopefully, I'll be able to post something better soon.





~Damon

Two...Three more days to wait...I miss you so much...

Thursday, August 26, 2004

and the day drags on and on and on....

24 hours....and the days seem to pass so slowly. Seth, Satan....doesn't matter, the day just seems to drag on and on, the hours, minutes and seconds all seeming to last an eternity. I can't believe its only 5 right now, maybe its just wishful thinking in hoping that the days will past faster, maybe you don't notice the time pass when you're enjoying yourself, and when you're not, every minute seems to last a million years or more.

Just received an email that said not to open until after August 30th. It makes me wonder ya know? I mean, call it a feeling if you will. Just one of those bad feelings you get in your gut when it feels like something's not quite right or something's wrong but you can't exactly place your finger on it. Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm not...part of me wants to open it and see what's in it that I can't open until past the 30th. But I'll swallow these gut feelings for now and wait to open it. I can't help but think that its bad news because when has something that's been sent to me and told to open only after a certain date ever been a good thing? Never. Maybe its different in thise case, but that's not what my gut tells me. But either way, if it says to open after the 30th of August, I'll wait until after the 30th of August to open it.

I hate this...not being able to talk to you, not being able to see you...I miss you...

And its still only 5:46. Its felt more like 2 hours have passed than 20 minutes. Maybe I need to go have a drink, maybe that'll help calm my nerves. A beer sounds good right about now, but there's seth tonight, so perhaps I should just wait it out and try to function to the best of my ability. I can't believe I died today still...feel so stupid for dying like that: gouge when true was at 0, shockshield runs, shield does 500 damage, then 2 chills and that was all she wrote. Furthermore, after seth died, the mud crashed, which forced us to imm CR, and even though we would've CR'd fine by ourselves if the mud hadn't crashed, we had seth pieces eaten so now I'm owing a whispers. Then at satan earlier, I had to use devil...she switched to me, hit me with a breath and a full physical round, down to 100 on that round, I eventually died, but I mean, fucking hell. Seth tonight, I hope I'll be able to function. Time passes so slowly, I find myself looking over at the clock every few minutes hoping this week will just pass, but perhaps that's more wishful thinking.

Beat Super Mario 3 again, bowser is such a pain in the ass. Party on Saturday, time to put on the facade and the illusion of being content again. "How much more will it take, how much more until it breaks me?" Maybe this will be enough.



~Damon

You're my rhyme, you're my reason
And you let my music live
You give me life, you let me breath

Monday, August 23, 2004

2 Weeks?!

Wow....its been almost 2 weeks since my last post..I must be getting really lax about this, I need to post often, mind you, I'm not home a lot, but it only takes half an hour or so to post so I don't really have any excuses other than that I just haven't been doing them. I realize that's not been particular good for me, as I'm letting things pile up inside again, so I figure I should post before I go crazy or something worse.

Ok, lets recap what's happened over the past week and a half. I've been seeing a chiropractor for my back, shoulders and neck, he says they're doing better, so hopefully if I just make sure I watch whatever it is that I need to watch and make sure I exercise more and stuff that things will be doing better by the time all is said and done. Why chiropractor you ask? I'm just that messed up.

Haven't ran seth as much over the past 2 weeks, stuff keeps coming up, although I did manage to get a set so that was nice, although by that token, we haven't popped either so I'm still waiting. Hopefully, my pop will either be a bliv or a bgen, a pgen could be useful, but I'd rather take a blasting type weapon first. Getting people to level characters for me because I don't feel like levelling much right now, although I did say I would finish a mage off, but that's because I know I can unless I do something stupid and die 5 times in a row or something. You never know, its always possible.

I haven't done much with the lyrics I posted last, but that's because I haven't had time to write. I've been so busy with this, that and the other, sometimes I wish I could just explode and let it all out, but I can't, and I know that I can't ever do that. Although, I do have to say, if you haven't heard of the band Shinedown, take a listen, they aren't bad....nothing very great, but good stuff all around, if you have *never* heard the songs .45 and Stranger Inside, I would strongly encourage you to take a listen, its good stuff. Yes, during my inability to write or to come up with anything, I find solace in the music of others. They say that angsty music is bad for your health sometimes, atleast angsty music is real, and not like that love-struck bullshit that all pop stars sing about.

As the days go on, I find that I'm becoming more and more of an animal. But I suppose that's part of the problem of never finding peace and always being hounded day in and day out about trivial things that don't matter. They snarl at me, and if its unwarranted, I'll snarl back, even if its in a silent fashion. It's getting increasingly more difficult to just keep it inside and hide it all, there's just too much of it, everything's bubbled up to the surface and is all just waiting to explode.

Fucking hell, I hate construction, and I hate people who renovate their units at 9AM. I mean fuck, if you're going to renovate, wait until later when people are likely to be out of the house. I'll probably end up going out again, and for lack of anything to do in the mornings, I'll go to the arcade as per usual. I've been working on my Sakura and now, my Bison, furthermore, to top it off, I've gotten back to using Sentinel again so now my teams end up looking like Sentinel, Bison/Sakura, Jin. A really good combination, now I've gotta perfect rushdown trap with Bison and Sentinel, its like Strider/Doom, except it does less chip damage and hurts a LOT more if it hits. Furthermore, its less cheesy, and if you're complaining about Bison trapping, you need to just get better. A good Strider/Doom trap can't be escaped, a good Bison/Doom or Bison/Sentinel trap can be escaped AND its harder to pull off. Go figure huh?

Oh well, now I'm just babbling again, so yes, that's all for now, not much after 2 weeks of not posting huh? It's been a slow week, and the next 2 will only promise to be that much worse.



~Damon
I love you Amy...

Thursday, August 12, 2004

anger breeds hate, hate breeds suffering, suffering breeds anger.

so it seems like I AM capable of posting when I'm pissed off. I don't like ranting at people, that's probably part of who I am, becuase its the way I am. Maybe I'm just cranky. I must be in one of those hate everything moods because everything single little fucking thing is pissing me off. Maybe I'm as irrational as the next guy, maybe I'm just as fucked up as the next guy.

Tomorrow's Friday the 13th. Fuck, 'today' is Friday the 13th. A typically non superstitious day. For the longest time, people always thought it brought them bad luck. For years, its been my lucky day, perhaps this will be the first year it won't be. Fuck, whatever, I'm pretty sure it most definitely isn't going to be, and if its anything like the past few days, I really don't give a fuck what I do anymore.

One thing on top of the next, like a snowball with no buffer in sight. A giant snowball picking up anything and everything, every negative emotion I've ever felt amplified a million times and turned into some more, an anger so deep, a rage so uncontrollable....so me. Nothing but another wildfire spreading nonstop with no end in sight, suppressed for so long that once its loose, there's nothing else left, it consumes everything in its path and leaves nothing to the imagination, leaving nothing but the ashes of those it burns.





Wildfire


Watch the fires rage across the land
The many ashes of their blood
Turned into the flames of their desires
See them all now that they cower in fear
Hiding from the pain that the wildfire brings

I know you HATE ME!
I know you wanna BREAK ME!
I know you'll try to KISS ME!
I know you'll try to KILL ME!

Because there's nothing left to do that can extinguish the flame
A million fields of burning grass, leaving nothing to shame
Tormented by the million things that leave nothing to the mind
And let them burn while they run from the pain that's left inside




That's off the top of my head, random song lyrics, if you have a brain, you'll notice the metaphorical representation of the lyrics. And if you don't, I'm not going to bother trying to explain them, take them as you will.

Long story short: If you piss me off, I'll bite your head off. If you try to fuck with me, I'll kill you.




~Damon

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Another Day

The past few days have gone by so quickly, and 4 days have passed since I last posted so while I don't really have the time right now to post a large post detailing the events of the past 4 days, I have to make it a good post so I'll post my latest song:



Another Day
"At the end of the day, the only thing that hasn't deserted me yet has always been and always will be my music"



The lights turn down low
Watching as the doors slam into frames
And there's no one left around
It's closing time
Listen as the music fades
Trapped within this hell, like I'm trapped within myself

I --
I can't find a way,
To lift the shadows that surround me
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I can't find a way,
To stop me now from turning inside out
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day

What is it to you?
Will you be there when there's no here?
Do I even matter now?
Or am I just --
Another toy for you to play?
Trapped within this hell, like I'm trapped within myself
If you want to hate me, then hate me
If you want to hurt me, then break me so I can end this misery

I --
I can't find a way,
To lift the shadows that surround me
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I can't find a way,
To stop me now from turning inside out
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day

Watch as the sun, hides and deserts me
Embracing the night, let the darkness set me free

No exits can be found
I don't know if I'll ever smash these walls
While I'm trapped within this hell, like I'm trapped within myself

I --
I can't find a way,
To lift the shadows that surround me
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I can't find a way,
To stop me now from turning inside out
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I --
I can't find a way,
To lift the shadows that surround me
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I can't find a way,
To stop me now from turning inside out
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day



~Damon

Sunday, August 01, 2004

I don't know

I find that I don't post when I'm upset or angry. Rather, I usually write a song instead and as much as I'd like to rant here, these are thoughts that are best left inside and spoken instead of written. I am often overly emotional or overreacting when things happen. Perhaps it is because I am an extremist, perhaps it was the way I was brought up, or perhaps there really just that many things wrong with me.

But I will summarize for the curious: I spent the day with my parents out in Oakville and Woodbridge, went shopping, got snarled at, went home, got on the computer, got snarled at some more, talked on the phone, got snarled at, went back on the computer, got snarled at. Nice day eh? On the plus side, I did pick up 2 more black tank tops, I should have one for each day of the week now, but if not, I'll just pick up some more. Randomly talked about nothing in particular. Went to bed, woke up, had a headache. Whatever, if some bad shit happens to me, I deserve it anyways.

I'm a mess, a wreck, I'm fucked up, and I'm worn thin. I started writing another song. Here's part of it:


Another Day


The lights turn down low
Watching as the doors slam into frames
And there's no one left around
It's closing time
Listen as the music fades
Trapped within this hell, like I'm trapped within myself

I --
I can't find a way,
To lift the shadows that surround me
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I can't find a way,
To stop me now from turning inside out
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day


What is it to you?
Will you be there when there's no here?
Do I even matter now?
Or am I just --
Another toy for you to play?
Trapped within this hell, like I'm trapped within myself
If you want to hate me, then hate me
If you want to hurt me, then break so I can end this misery

I --
I can't find a way,
To lift the shadows that surround me
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day
I can't find a way,
To stop me now from turning inside out
I can't find a way,
To carry on just another fucking day



Its not complete yet. And As I have no idea why I'm even posting anything since I don't particularly feel like it, I'll quote myself to end this post.

"At the end of the day, the only thing that hasn't deserted me yet has always been and always will be my music"




~Damon