I was waiting on a different story...

Another update. It's been a long time since I've done multiple posts in a week, much less consecutive days. Why am I posting this? I don't really know. I've been doing increasingly worse as the days go on. I'm not certifiably insane, but then again, that's all a matter of perspective and Dr. Tugg doesn't seem to think I am, nor does he believe that I'm a danger to society at the moment.

At the moment.

Uncertainty is what drives some people. They must know that which they do not know and will stop at nothing until whatever it is they are uncertain of is at a point where they are certain of whatever it is that they wish to be certain about. On the flip side, some people hate certainty, they enjoy taking the chances of that which they do not necessarily know and do not necessarily see. Are you one? The other? Or somewhere in between? Perhaps we never truly know the answer until we really look into ourselves and understand the reason for why we do the things we do. You may think I am talking nonsense, but I assure you, I have thought about this (yes, one of the things I do in my spare time, I think) and this is the conclusion I have come to as it relates to this topic. I am not saying that my opinion is the be-all-end-all of this, but I am saying that this is what I believe and I stand by what I say.

I'm listening to Nickleback at the moment. I've been doing it a lot, and I don't know why. I don't usually listen to Nickleback. Hell, last time I was in a bad enough state to listen to Nickleback...I won't go there. Although you might be able to guess anyways.


Never made it as a wiseman
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick cuz I don't have a sense of feeling

And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down
Been the bottom of every bottle
This five words in my head
Scream, are we having fun yet?

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
It must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For a minute I knew my heart was breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down
To the bottom of every bottle
This five words in my head
Scream, are we having fun yet?

Never made it as a wiseman
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me

This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream, are we having fun yet?

- How you remind me, by Nickleback

I don't know, so many things I've been listening to lately that I don't usually listen to. Nickleback, Aerosmith, and Silverstein just to name a few. Although the problem is that listening to these songs only depresses me more which seems to be counterproductive at best. But then again, find something that doesn't at the moment and I will be surprised. Should I expect anyone to be there enough to care that I'm sliding still? Not really. Everyone has their own problems to deal with, and everyone seems to be getting upset at me for some reason anyways. So I must be doing something wrong. Perhaps I'm not. Perhaps I'm simply paranoid about everything that's happened. Who knows. Although asking me is probably a bad idea, simply because I don't know what I know right now. I really should stop writing these posts when I'm at my worst.

Albert pointed out to me the other day that I had listened to the same song for about half an hour. I didn't even realize it until he mentioned it. Ironically, well, I don't know. I forgot what I was going to say. Something seemed ironic at the time, I seem to have forgotten what it was though. Oh well. My memory is horribly anyways. This is a known fact. I have most definitely lost my mind. It has left and probably isn't coming back.

So what is it that I'm going to do today? I'm undecided at the moment still. I should eat. I still haven't done that, so I should probably do that at some point. But what to eat? That is always a dilemma. Dilemma dilemma. Lots of dilemmas. In fact, I'm not even certain that dilemma is the correct word to use in this situation but it's the only word that comes to mind at the moment. Oh well. I think I've written enough for now. Maybe I 'll write more later...in any way, I have to try to not do something stupid.



~Damon

So, long time no see...

Well, so it's been a while since I've posted. At least, it's felt like a while anyways. I'm certain that it hasn't actually been a while (7 days or so? that's what I believe it is anyways) and even then, my last post wasn't much of a post. In fact, I'm sure it counts as a non-post because all it was was posting a KB during Helter Skelter. Anyways, what's been up with me? Exams are all done with and over. I'm worried about my marks, hoping I did well enough to pass all my courses, it'll be a tough one. Either way, regardless of what happens with the marks, I've got a long road to recovery ahead, and by long road, I mean years.

Realms life has been interesting. Very interesting in fact. They opened up a new area and man oh man is it sweet. The equipment is top of the line and very good, in fact, a lot of the equipment is stuff that certain classes have sorely needed. Let me post a few examples to show you what I mean:

Object 'darkened boots of the grimoire' is infused with your magic...
It is a level 49 armor, weight 5.
Locations it can be worn: feet
Special properties: dark
Genres allowed: sorcerer divinity aberrant
Alignments allowed: evil neutral
This armor has a gold value of 200000.
Armor class is 9 of 15.
Affects hp by 25.
Affects mana by 40.
Affects charisma by 2.
Affects constitution by -1.
Affects damage roll by 4.
Affects resistant:charm by 10%

Object 'a studded, silver earring' is infused with your magic...
It is a level 47 armor, weight 1.
Locations it can be worn: ears
Special properties: none
Genres allowed: rogue fighter aberrant
This armor has a gold value of 0.
Armor class is 8 of 10.
Affects damage roll by 2.
Affects hp by 35.
Affects luck by 1.

Object 'a spiked leather wristguard' is infused with your magic...
It is a level 49 armor, weight 5.
Locations it can be worn: wrist
Special properties: none
Genres allowed: rogue fighter aberrant
This armor has a gold value of 150000.
Armor class is 15 of 15.
Affects damage roll by 2.
Affects hp by 10.
Affects strength by 1.
Affects dexterity by 1.

and as a result of some of this:

the sigil of Kali
(Red Aura) (Humming) Amaya's Unholy Eternal Pledge
(Red Aura) (Humming) Jyotsana's Unholy Eternal Pledge
(Red Aura) Collar of Abyssal Servitude
(Red Aura) Collar of Abyssal Servitude
the Dragonhide Breastplate
(Glowing) Veil of Divine Wrath
obsidian leggings
darkened boots of the grimoire
(Red Aura) Inescapable Grasp of Doom
(Red Aura) a strand of polished jade
(Humming) the cloak of Death
(Red Aura) A shroud of darkness
a girth of mangled hide
a spiked leather wristguard
a spiked leather wristguard
(Red Aura) Darkfire blaster
(Red Aura) Darkfire blaster
(Red Aura) Demonic Whispers
A pair of Goroggles
the defiled cloak of the furies
(Red Aura) the facade of the Hannya
a demonskin ankle bracer
a demonskin ankle bracer

Zalenaem <1785/1785>stat
You report: 1785/1785 hp 58/60 blood 663/663 mv 176477991 xp.
Your base stats: 18 str 16 int 11 wis 18 dex 14 con 9 cha 14 lck.
Your current stats: 20 str 20 int 11 wis 25 dex 15 con 6 cha 17 lck.

Zalenaem <1785/1785>worth

Worth for Zalenaem, Fatal Kiss of the Black Rose.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Level: 50 |Favor: loved |Alignment: 3 |Experience: 176477991|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|Glory: 111 |Weight: 489 |Style: aggressive |Gold: 5,408,524 |
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
| |Hitroll: 99 |Damroll: 123 |Bank: 0 |
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-2dr +45hp, I think the trade off was worth it. Besides, if you look at glory, 2dr is by far cheaper than 45hp. Anyways, yes, need to run more things in that area, need to figure out more stuff too. Lotsa solo adventuring as always, but hey, that's how you learn right? It annoys me how some people are already asking to be spoonfed how to go through the area while making no real effort to figure it out. I spent half an hour learning how the maze works and figure out how to map it, then going through and figuring out what works on the mobs. Haven't solved everything yet, but in time. I should log some more of the fights, the mobs are really nice and the eq is amazingly good. The descriptions of everything are very well written too, it's a good combination of things really, this area is huge, but definitely worth it. I believe I'm close to figuring out everything in the area, but I need a bit more help since I can't solo the big mobs. So many pop items too, but we will find them. I'm currently looking for a way to get into the dungeons to find Lady Ravenell (she's a torturer!) because I believe that that is "end" of the area. But at the moment, it's going to be difficult trying to find a way down because people are going to be very pissy about sharing mobs at the moment since the area is relatively new, but I believe that I can and will find it.

I haven't had a chance to write too much lately, but I'm hoping that with exams done with, I can get back to doing some more writing too. I know, I've been neglecting the blog, but hey, getting back on track some. Got a psychiatrist appointment coming up this week, a counsellor appointment in 3 weeks or so. The long road to recovery...I'm not looking forward to it.



~Damon

helter skelter, whee

An infernal pentagram glows briefly.
Splinters of oblivion and hellfire engulf Mizephie.
Your hellfire _traumatizes_ Mizephie!
Mizephie is DEAD!!

(Honour) Millia defeats Mizephie in honourable combat in New Darkhaven.


I'm never going to let her live it down. Stupid bitch.

psychiatrist, jeremy, which will be the prevailing factor?

Psychiatrist appointment, heading out in 10 minutes.

I know, my posts have been short, but I haven't had time to write here, just in my book.

Jeremy's upset with me. He wants to know why I've been mistreating his host and vessel. Well, he knows why, he just wants to know why I've been doing it too. He hasn't expressed any desire to leave yet either, so I can't send him back because he doesn't want me to. Jeremy hates psychiatrists. Oh well.




~Damon
still myself...for now