Monday, February 21, 2005

22 days and running still...

When they talk about "fighting their inner demons", they obviously never took into account if you are your own "inner demon". The demon that lives inside me has never gone away, not ever since that day. I have no intention of getting rid of it either. It's rather comfortable having a demon living inside you, although I have to admit the initial process that gave it this vessel was rather painful. Yet, pain is good. Of course, you're welcome to debate that with me all you want, but you'd never be able to convince me otherwise. Mind you, this will only relate to me. Pain inflicted on me is good, when it's pain inflicted on others, it will depend on the person the pain is being inflicted on. If you hurt me, fine. I will retaliate as I will. If you hurt someone I care about, I will not hold back.

Jealousy is a powerful thing. It makes us do things we wouldn't ever consider doing otherwise. It pushes us in directions that we try not to go in, but end up going down anyways. It will grab the reins before you know it and not let you go. One has to take things like that into account when dealing with situations that prompt a certain reaction.

Every time I talk to my mom now, all we do is scream at each other. She bitches about how I'm not the son she wants me to be and how I don't do whatever she says, I tell her to go fuck off. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to stand it here. All I know, once I move out, they will be stricken from my life and I will never have anything to do with them ever again. You say you want to know the beast within, yet can't stand to be burned. What then? What do you do then when the beast will simpy devour you whole?



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