Thursday, July 29, 2004

I hate titling posts

Another day, another normal day. So I'll be up in Kitchener tomorrow (so please, if you can avoid it, try to avoid calling me, I pay a lot for long distance calling) for the reunion. I have no clue what its going to be like, not a clue what to expect, but I'm going to expect a lot of randomly wandering around trying to find people. How we're going to get to meeting everyone? I don't know, I don't even know what most of the people there look like, let alone anything else. Oh well, we'll see how things work out.

Seth went well, we popped *another* pgen, Raja got it this time. Got a set though, so I'm happy, and atleast that sets me up for a chance at a bliv. Anyways, not sure if I'll make Corst this saturday yet, who knows? I'm not even sure if I'll be at seth tomorrow morning. Probably not though, I should sleep in some while I get the chance to.

I often find myself questioning society's "morales" and whether they are actually morally correct for "most" people or if its simply an impossible standard set by the church that people are not willing to lose because they are scared that they will have no identify if no one is there to tell them what to do? What exactly IS identify? Does it even exist anymore? Are we who we really are or are we simply manifestations of the generic archetype - formed from the same mould, twisted and bent to the whim of another?

I believe a quote from the song Archetype by Fear Factory is in order here:
"You must never forget, the essence of your spark, all of that which defines you, is the essence of your blood, the infection has been removed, the soul of this machine has improved..."
I think that the lyric really speaks for itself. How many people honestly can say with certain who they are? Can they even give a definite answer of any sort to that question? "Who are you?" that's a question many people can not answer with certainty. Is there even anyway to define who a person is? Maybe there is, maybe there isn't and being able to come to terms not only with that which you excel at but also with your flaws and weaknesses, is what seperates people who know who they are from those that don't.

I am a violent bastard. An asshole, a friend, a lover, and countless other things people call me. All of which are true at some point or another. I'm a hypocrite, I'm a liar, I'm everything you hate and everything you love. But I will be straight up and at the end of the day, I can look at myself in the mirror and say just who I am, good or bad. Can you do the same?



Blogger dh said...

Pff. Hell no.

July 29, 2004 at 10:17 PM  
Blogger Tim said...

Today, my friend, I had just finished showering and with my pants on first, looked at myself in the mirror.

I had a towel over my head (Long hair stays wet for a while) and it was framing most of my face. All I could think was "I look like a villian... If it wasn't for the extra 3 inches of my head."

I don't get along with people. I make quite a sinister face for most of civilization to view. I rarely laugh in public through it's more common then a smile. Life's just kind of that way for me. It's not a great life, but it's a life.

It makes it confusing though. I'd be perfectly fine with vicious destruction (Or at least I'd get used to it) but at the same time there are those that I wish to help. There's no real good nor evil in a human existance. There's no perfect protagonist or perfect antagonist. We have our villians and our heroes but they only get to use the title on special occasions.

I guess that makes life pretty gray. And the labels almost useless. The difference between who you are now and what you could be then is actually limitless. The possiblities for changes are countless.

If you say just who you are, good or bad, with you I know it's minute thing. A tiny instance in time you. You don't shift between good or evil constantly though, but you do wave within the greyness of your person.

But don't worry. Here's one thing to always remember, as kind and peaceful or as horrific it may be: That person in the mirror will always be you. But you won't always be it.

Thank you.

July 30, 2004 at 9:43 PM  
Blogger Damon said...

Well spoken my friend.

July 31, 2004 at 6:12 AM  

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