Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yeah, I know, dots don't comprise of a subject line

I swear, I try to get up early for class, and I end up waking up an hour late. So typical of what it's been over the past few weeks. Not even for the other classes, for this one class in particular. Bloody morning classes. I'll have my coffee here at the very least then. I'm supposed to be more vocal, or if not more vocal I'm supposed to atleast write everything down and make a thought record of some kind. I'm not sure if the writing in my notebook counts since what I write tends to encompass the first 3 columns of it and a bit of the 4th and 5th columns too.
Bring only what you need to survive, they burned an image from the on my face, they stole it from the pages that kept my place. I stand on the outside would die to get in, I crawl inside just to begin again. Shinedown is good. I think so anyways. People are free to have their own opinions. Maybe it's because the songs have more meaning to me when I look deeper into the lyrics which I enjoy doing. I love their style of music though. The fact that all they use is off-keys is amazing and something most bands aren't willing to do. It's so hard to get it right, but they just do it so well. There's something that I feel needs to be said about music. Keep in mind that this is strictly from my opinion and you are free to disagree with me however you wish.
One of the things that makes music what it is, is the emotion and feeling that comes from it. Raw energy is something that is nice, but if it has no thought or no emotion in it, then it will always seem lacking. It will lack something that is noticeable. Something very noticeable in fact. I don't know if anyone else notices or even cares really, but to me, if music lacks that one thing, it doesn't seem like music. There's a different air about it. But when I say feeling, emotion and thought, I'm not referring to music that is either happy-bouncy-yay, or corny love songs that you hear from soft rock and oldies stations. Take the song Leila by Eric Clapton, that is an amazing song, yet it's not terribly fast, nor jumpy or rhythmic. There's something you can get out of the words and the tone, and watching him perform it that you can't get from anything else. Maybe because he's not talking about something random or not something that didn't happen, but something that actually happened and had real meaning to him. That would do it eh? That's one of the things some people don't understand about writing music. You need to keep it real. If the music doesn't have special meaning to you, it won't make an impact on other people. Music is life, it comes from inside, not on a surface level.
Happy music is depressing. Why? Because it makes me wonder if those people have ever really lived. If they have ever seen the bad side of life. They get so wrapped up in their celebrity status and forget that life isn't all about the good and the mundane. As they tell us in group, you can't ignore the bad. But don't discount the good either. Yeah right. How do you discount the good when there hasn't been much good to come about lately? Answer me that and maybe I won't discount the good. There's a positive way to look at every situation? Right about now, I don't want to. I'm suppose to pick out the one or two good things out of a mountain of everything else? I don't have the energy to. Try so hard to fight to survive despite it all and for what? So I can have groups I work with not listen to me? People always vanishing and running off? To have people yelling for no reason? I fight because it is in my blood, it is my nature. Survival is just that. Survival. My existence is just that. Survival. There's no end to it. It is just fight after fight after fight. Struggling to exist and live in a world that simply doesn't care. I tread my own path. No thoughts, no hopes, no wishes, just the desire to survive and the desire to fight. Animals survive because they have the will to survive. This wolf broke from the pack long ago to walk the solitary path. The pack cares not for one who strays from their main path. That's fine. It isn't about the final destination, it's about how you get there.
I tread along the broken path to keep stepping in the potholes. Stumble and fall, I'll crawl if I have to. The reality of pain, masked by an illusion of fortitude. If no one should come to take my hand, then I'll keep falling and crawling along until the broken glass finally kills me.



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