Seven days...
A full week since my last post. I must be getting lax again. Whatever, I've been too busy lately to post anyways. Although I have to say, I've done a lot of writing in my notebook which is problem the reason I had to go get a new one including a new pen. I hate gel pens sometimes, but whatever, they write well, they're clean, smooth, and whatever else you want to think of them as. Personally, they write well, that's all I care about in a pen.
They say that everyone has their own form of stress relief. Some people bake, some people sew, some people exercise, some people read. I suppose mine is writing. But then again, if writing is stress relief for me, what does that say about me? I'm always writing. Always. If not on paper, then in my head. I'm always writing something somewhere. Well, ok, perhaps not always, but a lot of the time when the time is just for me to spend by myself, whether that be on the subway, on the bus, just sitting around waiting, or even just when I'm sitting around at home doing nothing. Sometimes I wonder if I try too hard. Maybe if I just let go of myself and embrace eternity in the dark I'll be able to relax. Then again, maybe then I won't have to worry about doing much of anything either.
A few people have told me that I'm not allowed to die. In fact, a lot of people have told me I'm not allowed to die. I wonder if it's reverse psychology and that they really just want me dead but are too afraid to say it to my face. Afraid? Afraid of what? Afraid that there won't be any more scapegoats? Afraid that someone willing to always take the blame for everything won't be around to take it anymore? What do you all want from me? Will you scream at me again for not understanding? Why don't you write it down for me instead if you're so adamant that I won't understand?
This spider solitaire game is pissing me off. I'm getting no breaks at all on these rows. 6 straight games, not a single useful row. Always dead draws, over and over. Hey, first stack I've cleared in 6 games, what do you know. I hate spider solitaire somtimes, I really do, but free cell and solitaire are too easy. Hearts annoys me, not my kind of game. So I play spider instead. It's possible to win, but it's just so fucking annoying.
Everyone tells me I don't try hard enough. Every single fucking person tells me that. You deal with everything I deal with, then we'll see what you define as "trying hard enough". As far as I'm concerned, living is a struggle. Living is the eternal struggle. Dying is easy, to live takes far more effort. You have no clue how fucking difficult it is to go day to day, holding onto a few reasons to live when everything else seems to want you dead. Do you know what it's like having to reaffirm every single second of every day that you still have reason to exist? It's so simple for some of you people, you go on with your pathetic measly lives not knowing anything about anyone else. You know nothing more than what exists in your narrow scope of reality. You feel that you know what it's like to have to struggle to survive when you know nothing of what it means to struggle in the first place. You don't know how to survive or live, only how to exist.
Don't Tread On Me
What do you know about telling the truth
While you tell another white faced lie?
Do you expect me to accept it?
Do you think that I'm blind?
To the cracks you try to hide behind
Star intently while I watch you play me for the fool
Make you think I see what you want me to see
Blame me now for all the things that you hate in yourself
Who do you think you are lying to, me or you?
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
Honesty is such a fickle thing
Always just another one way street
Given but not reciprocated keep it all to yourself
Does its absense leave you incomplete?
Lock it in the vault now and swallow the key
Make you think I hear what you want me to hear
Recording all your pain now in a little black book
Bled the ink from the pages and watch the lies unfold
Don't deny, don't try to hide it
I can see right through you
Caught in your own web of lies and deceit
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
And I'm, dragged down
And I'm, dragged out
And I'm, shot down
And I'm, shut out
Driven now by false pretenses watch your lies unravel
And you know there's nothing left to see
And it's all just hollow and empty
Nothing left inside but self-deceit
What is there now for you to hold onto
Now that you can't even trust yourself?
Will you turn to me and try to tell me the truth?
Or will you try to lie your way out?
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
Yeah, I know, my songs always seem so angry huh? Wrote that one a few days ago, working on another one now. I don't try to explain my songs. I don't try to explain my writing. Interpret it as you will, analyze as you so choose. I know why I wrote my songs, but you people will never understand how and why I do, so you'll just have to decide what they mean for yourselves. Music and poetry are funny things in that way, you can't ever take a single person's perspective on it, you always have to look at the bigger picture. You can decompose every word and line as you so choose to, but until you look at everything in perspective as a whole, all the little pieces are just senseless pieces of the puzzle.
We don't hate people for parts of them, we hate people because we hate parts of them that we see in ourselves. Maybe it is human nature to expect from other people what we can't ever achieve ourselves. If being different is to be shunned, I'd rather be shunned, hated and living in a cave. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, don't ask my opinion. If you want to jump to conclusions about my answers without thinking about 'em, why are you wasting your breath asking me if you've already decided on the answer? Human beings are such fickle things. One minute we're praising someone for doing this and that, next minute we're wanting to kill them for the very same reason.
Stop beating around the bush. If you want to ask someone something, just ask them. By the time you've finished taking your 20 million detours to get to the end, you've already forgotten the original question. Don't lie thinking that you're flawless at it, lies are transparent. Honesty is something that's taken for granted so much. Do you ever wonder why a pathological liar always seems like they're telling the truth whenever they're lying? Because they aren't trying to lie.
~Damon
They say that everyone has their own form of stress relief. Some people bake, some people sew, some people exercise, some people read. I suppose mine is writing. But then again, if writing is stress relief for me, what does that say about me? I'm always writing. Always. If not on paper, then in my head. I'm always writing something somewhere. Well, ok, perhaps not always, but a lot of the time when the time is just for me to spend by myself, whether that be on the subway, on the bus, just sitting around waiting, or even just when I'm sitting around at home doing nothing. Sometimes I wonder if I try too hard. Maybe if I just let go of myself and embrace eternity in the dark I'll be able to relax. Then again, maybe then I won't have to worry about doing much of anything either.
A few people have told me that I'm not allowed to die. In fact, a lot of people have told me I'm not allowed to die. I wonder if it's reverse psychology and that they really just want me dead but are too afraid to say it to my face. Afraid? Afraid of what? Afraid that there won't be any more scapegoats? Afraid that someone willing to always take the blame for everything won't be around to take it anymore? What do you all want from me? Will you scream at me again for not understanding? Why don't you write it down for me instead if you're so adamant that I won't understand?
This spider solitaire game is pissing me off. I'm getting no breaks at all on these rows. 6 straight games, not a single useful row. Always dead draws, over and over. Hey, first stack I've cleared in 6 games, what do you know. I hate spider solitaire somtimes, I really do, but free cell and solitaire are too easy. Hearts annoys me, not my kind of game. So I play spider instead. It's possible to win, but it's just so fucking annoying.
Everyone tells me I don't try hard enough. Every single fucking person tells me that. You deal with everything I deal with, then we'll see what you define as "trying hard enough". As far as I'm concerned, living is a struggle. Living is the eternal struggle. Dying is easy, to live takes far more effort. You have no clue how fucking difficult it is to go day to day, holding onto a few reasons to live when everything else seems to want you dead. Do you know what it's like having to reaffirm every single second of every day that you still have reason to exist? It's so simple for some of you people, you go on with your pathetic measly lives not knowing anything about anyone else. You know nothing more than what exists in your narrow scope of reality. You feel that you know what it's like to have to struggle to survive when you know nothing of what it means to struggle in the first place. You don't know how to survive or live, only how to exist.
Don't Tread On Me
What do you know about telling the truth
While you tell another white faced lie?
Do you expect me to accept it?
Do you think that I'm blind?
To the cracks you try to hide behind
Star intently while I watch you play me for the fool
Make you think I see what you want me to see
Blame me now for all the things that you hate in yourself
Who do you think you are lying to, me or you?
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
Honesty is such a fickle thing
Always just another one way street
Given but not reciprocated keep it all to yourself
Does its absense leave you incomplete?
Lock it in the vault now and swallow the key
Make you think I hear what you want me to hear
Recording all your pain now in a little black book
Bled the ink from the pages and watch the lies unfold
Don't deny, don't try to hide it
I can see right through you
Caught in your own web of lies and deceit
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
And I'm, dragged down
And I'm, dragged out
And I'm, shot down
And I'm, shut out
Driven now by false pretenses watch your lies unravel
And you know there's nothing left to see
And it's all just hollow and empty
Nothing left inside but self-deceit
What is there now for you to hold onto
Now that you can't even trust yourself?
Will you turn to me and try to tell me the truth?
Or will you try to lie your way out?
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
What do you know? Why can't you see?
That, you're another piece of the puzzle
Don't tread on me!
Scream at me now, come break me down
Now, that you know that I'm your scapegoat
Don't tread on me!
Yeah, I know, my songs always seem so angry huh? Wrote that one a few days ago, working on another one now. I don't try to explain my songs. I don't try to explain my writing. Interpret it as you will, analyze as you so choose. I know why I wrote my songs, but you people will never understand how and why I do, so you'll just have to decide what they mean for yourselves. Music and poetry are funny things in that way, you can't ever take a single person's perspective on it, you always have to look at the bigger picture. You can decompose every word and line as you so choose to, but until you look at everything in perspective as a whole, all the little pieces are just senseless pieces of the puzzle.
We don't hate people for parts of them, we hate people because we hate parts of them that we see in ourselves. Maybe it is human nature to expect from other people what we can't ever achieve ourselves. If being different is to be shunned, I'd rather be shunned, hated and living in a cave. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, don't ask my opinion. If you want to jump to conclusions about my answers without thinking about 'em, why are you wasting your breath asking me if you've already decided on the answer? Human beings are such fickle things. One minute we're praising someone for doing this and that, next minute we're wanting to kill them for the very same reason.
Stop beating around the bush. If you want to ask someone something, just ask them. By the time you've finished taking your 20 million detours to get to the end, you've already forgotten the original question. Don't lie thinking that you're flawless at it, lies are transparent. Honesty is something that's taken for granted so much. Do you ever wonder why a pathological liar always seems like they're telling the truth whenever they're lying? Because they aren't trying to lie.
~Damon
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