Sunday, November 21, 2004


It's just occured to me that I now have 3 day weekends. Yes, it's just sunk it as I stare at the clock and realize that it's Monday and I don't have classes until Tuesday. You know what it feels like to randomly have things from days, weeks, months, and years past sink in just now? To look back on it realize how stupid you were and are for just realizing it now? Great feeling isn't it? Yeah, just absofuckinglutely great. Whatever, there really is only so long you can beat yourself up for it before you start sounding rediculous to yourself.

Things keep coming back to me. Memories that I shut out, things that I don't particularly want to remember; everything reminds me of something. Very few things don't remind me of how bad things used to be. I suppose you could say that things get better, or they get worse, but one or the other, something has to give. You may or may not like the things that have happened to you in the past, but they are, inevitably, a part of you. So while you can deny your past, it's all a piece of the puzzle that helps shape who you are. Well, you know what they say, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

So yes, I'm glad I was shunned throughout grade school, it let me see things in a different light - my own. I don't really care what others think of what I am, what I say, what I do. None of that matters to me, I'll be straight out with people, and if you don't like the way I am, tough. Take your own life and try to be what everyone else wants you to be, in the end, if you aren't something you want to be, then what's the point of trying to be something else if you don't even know who you are? You want to point fingers and laugh? Go for it. You want to think you're some hot shot because of this, that, or the other, when you really are nothing? By all means. You feel that the only way you can be socially important and accepted is if you criticize and redicule everyone who's different? The choice is yours.

People often tell me I'm harsh, or I'm cold, or I just don't seem to care. Let me tell you a little secret. I don't care about most people. I don't give a shit if you're some old fuck who thinks you're the ruler of the world because you're old, I don't give a shit if you're some teenage fuckhead who treats women as toys, I don't give a shit if you're a slut who has to try to sleep with and flirt with every guy you see. I could go on and on, but those are just a few examples. If you fall into the above categories, you're a piece of shit anyways. You need to feel important, and you need to feel like people respect you. You don't earn respect by being a fuckhead, you earn respect by being respected.

People are so adverse to be honest. It's true. Look around you, just take a look around. How many people do you think would never be straight up with you? Pretty much nobody. People are so superficial, they think everything is in the style, look, attitude and material possessions. They think of nothing beyond the surface and are surprised when people don't give them the respect they think they've gained. Talking like some 2 dollar whore dressed as eminem does NOT make you a better person. I'm sorry, but if you need to have a certain attitude that isn't your own to survive from day to day, that doesn't make you the cream of the crop. If you want respect, earn it. Don't act and dress like someone else and then complain when you don't get the respect that they do. You think you're the lion in the concrete jungle? You're just the prey, and it's open season.



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