Sunday, February 26, 2006

Another long time between posts

I'm making a bit of a habit of this, posting something short, then not posting for another two or three weeks. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's not really a good thing. In some ways, it's just a thing, in other ways, it's not. Why post anyways? Who even reads this anymore? I can write it all down in my book, yet at times, it feels like certain things need to be said in a different venue than that of the personal notebook. I wouldn't really call it a journal or diary simply because I don't write it in every day, therefore I call it a personal notebook. A little black book. Yet, opening it would not reveal the true secrets of my life as even those are hidden out of sight of that. So what exactly is it that I write? Thoughts, moods. In a way, I suppose you could call it my on-going thought record. Speaking of which, I still have those thought records somewhere, even though I hardly use them at all. I could go do a thought record, but what thoughts is it that I want to analyze? What exactly is the situation? I could probably do a thought record on it, but do I truly want to put that much effort into one at the moment? Doubtful.
Of course, that tends to lead into the inevitable question. What am I doing at the moment? Not too much really. I am letting my fingers speak my thoughts undisturbed, listening to System of a Down on endless repeat. Only one song. There only needs to be one at the moment. Which one? I imagine you could probably figure it out if you truly wanted to know. Why System of a Down? Why not? The question in this case should never be why, rather why not. Occasionally, there is a why component to it, but the better question is always why not. Admittedly, it is a more roundabout way to get to the answer, but sometimes the only way to get from point A to point B is to through points C, D, and E first. While I could put on something else to listen to at the moment, the question then becomes...why bother? Would it change anytihng? Would it help divert my mind from it's current train of thought? In every answer, there are more questions. Yet, is this truly a surprise? Questions at every corner of life. Yet at what point becomes do the questions become answer or more than questions? Do they ever truly become solid answers or just more questions at every bend? When does it become too much? Okay, so I did get tired of listening to SoaD for a bit, just put on some Offspring instead. Which CD? I only have one of them. Nonetheless, it is as it as.
So many hypothetical situations. Day-in, and day-out, my mind runs through all of them seeking answers to the question that remains unanswered. Yet, from time to time, the question that has not been answered is just that, what is the question that remains unanswered? Is that what it is to pursue a dream that is simply not possible? To seek out the question that remains unanswered? Then find the unanswered question to the answer of the question? The cycle goes on to be honest. I don't think there truly is an answer to that question. If there was, it simply would not be as it is. I used to post things that happened on realms on here. What's the point? Is there truly a reason to do so? I could post what happens on Guild Wars, but I haven't really been on Guild Wars in weeks so there wouldn't be anything to post. I haven't slept in a very long time. I wonder if we'll run out of coffee in a week and a half again. I would not put it past myself to have that much. Well, at the very least, I am eating. I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or not, I have yet to decide.
I will stop for now. I have no desire to continue posting at the moment. I have not yet decided what to do, but all in due time.



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