Saturday, May 14, 2005

Inside my shell I wait and bleed

Sometimes the smallest things are the ones that mean the most, sometimes those little things are the things that make or break you. People always take that for granted. They always take for granted that all those things that it is all the small things that make up the whole, not the other way around. So yeah, while it may seem like all those small things are insubstantial and insignificant, au contraire, they are the most important, as the bigger picture does not exist without its parts. The things that people never mention are the things that have the biggest effect. Every hit, every scream, every little thing that people take for granted so often are the things that make up the entire person.

As I sit here, day in and day out, watching the days go by, I can't help but wonder what changed. I mean, some people might say nothing's changed, some people might say everything's changed. So which is it? Is there a definitive answer for one or the other? Is it even a legitimate question or just another brick in the wall so to speak? Who knows. Any and all of it could be true, or false as the case may be. While food is useful, eating only seems to make my body react even worse to it. Time and time again, I sit around and eat only to almost throw it all up right after I finish it. Stress doesn't help. Now that school is done, all it does is open up a can of worms. There is no reprieve, not yet anyways. Soon. Hopefully.

Confession just started playing, it's by Cold and off the Thirteen ways to bleed on stage album. So my taste in music may not make sense to the average person, but it makes sense to some people, and it sure as hell makes sense to me, so all of you who think I'm listening to the "wrong" "type" of music, fuck you. What about the music I write? It's a bit of everying I listen to. There's no single type of music that I write, I write what I write, whatever comes to mind, whatever presents itself to me as a song. I will write what I write, and simply put, if you think you can stop me from doing so, you're sadly mistaken. Now it's playing I must be dreaming by Evanescence. See? It's all similar, but not quite the same. Either way, I like the songs.

Finished painting Celestine today. Spent about 8 and a half hours on it, but it's done now and well worth the effort. If I could post a picture here, I would just because it's been requested, but since I can't, I'll just try to briefly describe her. Mithril Silver for the shoulder pads, boots, gauntlets and body plate. I tried to make it seem like she was wearing black clothing underneath the armour to give it a chainmail-ish effect. Used blue for the cloak, red for the tabard and gold to do all the imperium symbols. The cherubs holding up her cloak are white and she has a goldish halo (I know, it's gold, but it suits the character). Anyways, the effect I was trying to get was the whole knight-templar effect, and I think it works pretty well with the design of the model. But yes, the 8 and a half hours was definitely worth it. Having the base coat done already really helped as I didn't have to wait half an hour for the base coat to dry. Now to finish the Grey Knights. I'm going to be going for the whole deal, the entire medieval theme. Ok, now I really wanna get the digital camera working so I can take a picture of the finished model. While I'm not used to the light colour scheme, it works really well with the model.

I'm going to stop ranting for now, I don't think it's doing my mental state any favours. The scar that cuts closest to the surface is the one that is never seen.

....Wait and bleed just started playing.



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