Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Broken home, all alone

Listening to Papa Roach probably isn't doing my mental health any favours. I could listen to any of my other music, but as you probably know by now, my music isn't exactly cheery. Broken Home, Blanket of Fear, She Loves me not, Scars. Nice chain of songs. Guess it's time for another update on the hell that is my life.

I've finally managed to put the Hive Tyrant together, it's got Scything Talons and a Venom cannon, as well as all bio morphs. I still need to put the leg bits on, but I'm debating whether or not I even want to bother. Although it's probably supposed to be on there, so I should, but it's very annoying to put on because of how small a piece it is. I might just leave it off all together, I don't really know yet. Although I should probably decide before I start priming the model. Anyhow, I put on all the biomorphs I could think of and they should all be there now. I want to put wings on it. Yes. You heard me right. I want to put wings on the Hive Tyrant. It will probably overbalance the model, but it would make it look REALLY nice if I could get the right wings. What I'll probably do is paint up what I've already done then when I get the wings, do those seperately then just attach them. Atleast the model is metal so it won't overbalance too much..I hope. Although there is a lot of weight put on the legs, I'm not sure what it'd think of wings too.

I can't seem to fight these feelings, I'm caught in the middle of this, and my wounds are not healing, I'm stuck in between my parents, I wish I had someone to talk to, someone I could confide in, I just want to know the truth, I just want to know the truth! Want to know the truth...Does my father even care? if I'm sad or angry, you were never ever there, when I needed you, I hope you regret what you did, I think I know the truth, your father did the same to you! Did the same to you...I'm crying day and night now, what is wrong with me? I cannot fight now, I feel like a weak link, crying day and night now, what is wrong with me? I cannot fight now, I feel like a weak link...push it back inside me, a weak link...It feels bad to be alone, crying by yourself, living in a broken home, how I could I tell it, so all you could feel it, depression strikes hard, just my old earth would tell...she told me I'm the one, pain bottled up, 'bout to blow like a gun, stories that I tell are nonfiction, and you can't take it back cuz it's already done...

He said he's going to be late...again...for 2 more weeks, as always. Guess that means staying a month is now down to 2 weeks, or less. Most likely less, he'll probably have to leave early again. If he's just going to keep this up, I'd rather mom move back to Hong Kong and they can both live there and stay the fuck out of my life. That would work. I would be happier. They can be together and happier too. And if I can't make it? Then I don't survive. Simple as that. Survive or be trampled. I have no intentions of being trampled and if I have to survive on my own because everyone else is gone and has turned their back on me, so be it. But if you'd rather I be nonexistent, let me know.

I see red. Maybe it's just me and just my fault anyways.



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