You know you're tired when....

You start hallucinating bits of conversation and you pass out at the keyboard shortly thereafter. Yes, I was exhausted, I don't think I'm much better this morning, but anymore sleep and I'm going to have a headache for the rest of the day. (I'm sorry Amy, I didn't mean to just vanish...I was just so tired, and I didn't want to worry you. Maybe I worried you more or upset you instead...I don't know, but I'm so sorry...)

Hrm...now the laptop's acting funny....its been doing this lately, its very annoying, and also very bothersome, I'd rather not have to replace the HD on the laptop, it'd be quite a pain in the ass seeing as how I have a LOT of documents on there and programs and files that I can't lose.

...hrm...maybe its just winamp, I don't know....now its acting fine again now that winamp closed. Perhaps I'll just leave winamp and not use it for now. Having a conversation about merlin daggers and mages first thing in them morning, I swear, I must be seriously messed in the head.

I really have to get back in tune with my email, I've been neglecting responding to emails for about 2 weeks now and I really really should respond to them so people don't think I'm dead or something like that.

I need a coffee, first thing in the morning, and I haven't had my coffee...I imagine I must seem even more cranky than I have in the past week days (silent rage eh? all it ever does is bubble and boil until it either burns itself out or I just release it, and I can't do the latter....it just doesn't work, and never works out well). I find myself going through a slightly older song I wrote, hard to believe that the last song I wrote before "peer pressure" was "fragile" and that was written on April 9th - 2 whole months, how did I go that long without composing? Oh well...anyways, I suppose I'll post it as well:

Fragile


Lost in the dark, of this day
I am blinded by the pain
In my head, lie away
Let the dreams desert me yet
Now that you're gone
Falling apart inside myself
Now that I'm lost
And scattered all around

I'm gone, I don't know where to go
Taking a part of me
I don't know where I am without you
Now, I don't know how to be
Dying inside again
I'm nothing but shattered dreams

Thoughts running wild, in my head
Never fading, never red
In my veins, time again
To release the nightmares now...
Now that you're gone
Falling apart inside myself
Now that I'm lost
And scattered all around

I'm gone, I don't know where to go
Taking a part of me
I don't know where I am without you
Now, I don't know how to be
Dying inside again
I'm nothing but shattered dreams

Now that you're gone
Falling apart inside myself
Now that I'm lost
And scattered all around

Crying in my mind, in my veins
Yet the tears they flow like sand
In the dark, of this day
I'll sleep forever...

I'm gone, I don't know where to go
Taking a part of me
I don't know where I am without you
Now, I don't know how to be
Dying inside again
I'm nothing but shattered dreams
(I'm gone)
I don't know where to go
Taking a part of me
I'm nothing but shattered dreams
(Now)
I don't know how to be
Dying inside again
I don't know where I am without you
I'm nothing but shattered dreams


Maybe I am fragile, a perfect facade, hiding nothing but an empty shell ready to crack and crumble at any time. I can't even tell anymore, its so hard to go day to day as is, and recent events haven't really helped. Meh, I'll survive, I have to don't I? I need to get my coffee first though, and I'm supposed to see the doctor later today, news to me. Since my cell phone is out of time as well, that's going to be another full day out, lets try to NOT burn myself out physically today eh? That might be a good idea. Damnit, my hand still hurts, maybe I need to do something that doesn't require my hands, but regardless coffee first.

mmmm...coffffffeeeeeeee. Coffee is good, actually, coffee is very good. I've been trying to cut back on it though, 2-3 cups a day, at the most, this from 10 cups a day during exam time is a pretty big jump. People tell me I should start a band or something, what I don't know is who in the world would want me as their lead singer? Like, am I even any good at it? I suppose I could try and let people make their own decisions.

Yesterday was ok, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, saw 2 uncles who I hadn't seen in a while, and went out for dinner. I was exhausted, but it wasn't bad, took 'em to centre island, Brian kept trying to chase ducks, I had to stop him.

Oh well, I think I've blattered on long enough, probably means I shouldn't huh? ok, time to concentrate on finishing my coffee or somtehing like that.


~Damon