Thursday, July 28, 2005

All I want...

Headache gone. Mostly. It's a dull throb now. Ate a bit, don't feel much better now than I did say...oh, yesterday? That's in the general sense anyways, atleast I'm not falling every few minutes. I've rested more in past 2 days than I have over the course of the past 2 weeks. Everything's trying so hard to shatter me into too many pieces to find. I can't begin to describe how poorly my physical health has continually deteriorated as the days have gone on. My mental health isn't anywhere near stable, suicide isn't the answer, no matter how much my mind would like to insist it is (it's pretty bad when I can't even take being snarled it). And it feels like I'm losing the only person I ever really loved. What else could go wrong? Don't answer that, because I'm sure there are an infinite number of other things that could go wrong.
I've well surpassed what should be my breaking point, so how is it that I'm still in one piece? How is it that I've still managed to keep myself from shattering through all this? I don't know. I just don't know, and what would happen if I did? I know exactly what my mind would do at that point, and I know I'd follow it if that ever happened. Day after day, my whole life's a wreck, the powers that be just breath down my neck, get no respect, get no relief, gotta speak up and yell out my peace...

But how?

I love you, I miss you..gawd I miss you so much...and I'm so sorry, but I guess sometimes sorry just isn't enough though is it..?


Blogger Tim said...

You and I should take a walk when it's not too hot, have a talk and maybe find something affordable for lunch at the mall.

It's been too long and I think you could use it.

Try and find some time for it this week and I'll try to wake up for it.

July 31, 2005 at 12:53 AM  

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